Still coughing and tired. The sunny day is beautiful yet creates a restless feeling. "I want", says the ego. I want to be out in the world, in the sun. I am in bed lying next to my snoring toddler. He is exhausted. He has been entertained and on the go for over a week during my treatment and recovery. Today he reached meltdown. He just wanted to be held and rocked for over an hour. I think he wants mama time and to rest. I wish I had more energy an presence for him. He has a fever too, crap. We do not need any more bugs in this household. Please don't let me get it, whatever it is. Please let it pass by him too.
We try so hard to minimize the impact on our little guy that I think we forget to slow down let him process and rest too. It is much easier to fill time. It is hard to hang out in "transitions", you have to feel feelings you might not want to face. It is just uncomfortable sometimes to deal, such is life. I was reading Pema Chodron again...
Pema's wise insight: She encourages us to stay in that place of restlessness. That place of "boredom" where you feel shifty and want to "do" something, like reach for your iPhone, tv or some other entertainment, but you wait. What if you wait and be with the "shiftys"? You have to wake up to yourself a little bit, struggle a little bit and be present.
Well, cheers to feeling shifty(as I type away on my entertainment device.) and trying to stay present. Right now the whole idea sounds about as enjoyable as getting some major dental work.
Bonne sante, por favor!
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