Falling for you.. Someone sang this somewhere

> The rainbow connection has been thriving. Along with the help of my friends, a Facebook page was created titled, "Alexis' Rainbow Connection". It is a place where the intention is to add more rainbow colored foods to our diets or cut out some unwanted item, for me it's candy/excess sugar. I have enjoyed having this outlet, there are 60 people who have joined, all are welcome! I love seeing friends from high school connecting with friends from Bellingham over amazing salad dressing or a picture of a rainbow of fruit. It has been a place of confession, nonjudgment, ideas, recipes and good humor. I have been inspired.
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> To add to my inspiration my husband almost completed our kitchen remodel as a surprise when I came home. When we drove up there were 20 or so friends and neighbors waiting to welcome me home. It was a wonderful way to come home to Bellingham after 8 weeks of treatment. My friends had spent the majority of their visit cleaning and organizing my house and garden. So our sidewalk is covered with wonderful chalk art by some of the kids. My beds were filled with flowers and some starter vege and fruits. The inside was clean and filled with bouquet after bouquet of flowers. It was truly a surprise. There was a new stove/gas range, painted stairs and a new glass cabinet. The glass cabinet was my birthday present. It is to display all of my fabric! My fabric was nicely folded and ready to be turned into the best quilt ever. I was so grateful again and again.
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> Having this new kitchen I have been keeping it clean and wanting to spend more time focusing on the rainbow connection. So lucky for me my friends sister-in-law who is somewhat new to Bellingham, has a little guy Canyon's age, she is not working, she is a chef who has taught in culinary school. So we connected and she is teaching me how to shop, cook in a simple and healthy way. We also get to hangout have fun and so do our little guys. It's a win win. I m inspired looking at recipes and actually using a few.
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> Another highlight is that I have slowly taught myself to drive with my left foot. So for short distances I can drive, yeah. This is such a big deal, because I spent many days in my house without the ability to walk or drive anywhere. It is very isolating to be stranded at home. So I have gained a small amount of freedom/ control back into my life.
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> Of course with every silver lining there is a dark cloud or a rain shower. The side effects of my treatments have created some challenges. My right foot continues to be numb and hard to walk with. And this evening I had my first fall. Luckily at home, in my bedroom, I was walking and started to wobble and then I was down for the count. The fear is that I will twist and/ or injure the foot that I can't feel. No damage tonight! I made it.
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> Also I continue to have lymphadema or edema everyday in my left leg and foot. It is uncomfortable and my right leg has atrophied so much that my left leg looks gigantic.
> I am trying to decrease my steroids and drink a lot of lemon water every day. I have noticed some results from increasing my hydration. My issue might have to do with my kidney function. I spoke with a nurse about the issue and she is talking with the doctor. The side effects carry on. My other issue which is upsetting me is my risk of falling and my actual falls. I have fallen twice now, today and yesterday. My right foot is so numb I just can't always keep steady. Unfortunately today I actually did some damage . My ankle is swollen and feels a bit stiff. I can't feel much, I know I twisted it but who's to know how much it is hurt. My plan is to find a doctor to examine it. In the mean time I am icing it.
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> Although I am dealing with a new way of life, I continue to try to do what I can. Every time I go up or down our steps. I try to take my time, be present and patient with the process because I do not want to fall down the stairs. I walk extra slow.
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> I attended a workshop about cancer and healing yesterday and was reminded again about "energy currency". They actually gave us monopoly money and would take our energy currency away depending upon how we used our energy. The key is to increase my energy currency and to try to figure out my truth. So tapping into my intuition, my beliefs and being mindful of my energy stores should help with healing, not a cure but move toward healing. I am ready to heal to face my reality. Or at least try. Starting now I need to get some restorative sleep. Energy increase, kaching!

Hopelessly Devoted to You- Olivia Newton John

My treatment is winding down, almost at 8 weeks of city living and daily radiation. This Friday, April the 13th will be my last treatment day, a good omen I hope. It has to be because my lovely niece was born that day. Welcome back unknown. Lately, I have had a few rough spots dealing with pain and a pain plan. So this has been my focus.

After finishing chemotherapy I went off the steroids and found my right leg pain unbearable for a 3 day stretch last week. I wound up at treatment in severe pain last Wednesday. Thankfully my wonderful nurse and MD did all the right things. They assessed my pain quickly. I was in tears and their immediate mission was to reduce my pain. After having a fentanyl sucker my friend watched me go from white knuckled and stressed to breathing and calm. The plan was to go back on low dose steroids until I have an appointment with a new pain doctor. The anxiety created by my pain was intense and debilitating. I found out that before going back on the steroids I had to take my pain meds to the point of almost knocking myself out in order to cope. Thankfully my little guy was with his dad and I could rest and get through the drama without effecting him.

The continued challenge is my numb right foot, partial numb leg, and the occasionally nerve pain jolts. I also ended up with a blister on my foot without knowing it was there. A new venture of foot care. What kind of shoes do I need to where now? I honestly feel like trying to stay healthy takes all my energy and time. It is like a new adventure everyday. This includes my feelings that bubble up about feeling like a lady. As vain as it sounds my femininity has been challenged. My right leg has atrophied. My left leg is often swollen and I walk with a sexy limp I must say. Last Friday, my last day of Cyberknife, I peed my pants. My body is a vessel of insanity.

So again here I am two treatments left and how do I move into my new phase of healing, again. The plan is to get a repeat PET/CT scan in 6-8 weeks. My scan needs to be done once all inflammation has healed, once I have rested. So how can I help myself get there is what keep asking myself? I know sleeping is key. I know that lowering stress is important too. The piece that is challenging for me is the diet. Increasing the rainbow of my whole food diet and decreasing sugary foods. I have given up so much dealing with cancer that the idea of taking more away depresses me. I want to cut out some sugar. I want to be as healthy as I can be but I am holding strong to wanting control of my diet. I have 6-8 weeks before my next scan so I am going to figure out how to challenge myself to eating healthier, more colors and less sugar. I want to invite anyone else who wants to eat a little healthier for the next 6-8 weeks to join me. Let's help each other out, in what ever way we can. Even if it means supporting one another with a simple blessing of intention before eating, mindful eating. Maybe I can reduce inflammation by adding rainbow fruits and veggies and decreasing rainbow gummy candy.
I have been thinking a lot about this challenge. Am I setting myself up to fail? Will it be too much pressure? No, is the answer. What I want out of this challenge is simplicity. There is a time limit and all I want is really to be a little more mindful of my eating habits with the help of my friends. So I am going to throw this idea out to you and the universe like a bag of pixie dust from tinker bell herself and see what may come. So if you want to join me in turning up your food mood in a simple way, let me know. I am going to figure out the best online support for "the rainbow connection", thanks Muppets for the name. Wish me luck in finishing my treatment!

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You Learn- Alanis Morrisette

I am close to the finish line. I have a week left or a week and a half. My schedule continues to change. Having a changing schedule doesn't work so well when I am trying to arrange rides. My Seattle team has been flexible and understanding. I always have a ride and sometimes babysitters. Thank you Seattle team!
Next week is my 7th week of radiation. I have had 5 out of 10 Cyber knife treatments and completed my general chest radiation. Monday I will have my 6th cyber knife and my first stereotactic radiation just for my chest tumor- high dose radiation for the tumor only. For the stereotactic I have to hold my breath and the table I am on will spin around to get all angles. The cyber knife is a 50minute nap on a cushioned table. They play soft music and the machine spins around me. They use my markers to know where to treat. Technology is amazing.
What about me, how am I holding up? Well chemo is done which means goodbye steroids and hello leg pain. I am taking more pain pills. I am truly exhausted. I hobble as much as I can. I have had fevers off and on all week. They are low grade but uncomfortable. So my days and evenings consist of sleeping, hobbling and taking lots of pills. Some evenings include playing with my little guy and putting him down for the night. Mostly I rest. I am so thankful to have family help!! Oh yeah, my hematocrit is 26 and I feel like garbage so I will have 2 units of blood transfused next week. I hope it will give me a little more energy to make it through....
It's Monday now and I made it through today, not very well. I spent an hour on the table this morning while they set me up and treated me with the stereotactic radiation. They used tape on my 2nd degree chest burn and my leg hurt a lot so I spent the hour trying not to cry and following the holding my breath directions. Then I was provided a place to rest for my 2.5 hour wait time till my next radiation at 1pm. It was an exam table with the crinkly paper. I did sleep for a little bit and was awoken by an over active automatic soap dispenser. It kept disposing soap loudly and created a large pile of foam. Finally I am off to hospital number 2 for cyber knife. Too much in one day if you ask me. My leg pain has really ramped up. So I am going to have to address this issue now.

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