Hold On - Wilson Phillips

I do still exist. It is a good thing when I am blogging less. It means I have a vertical life. I am up and out in the world and not at home in bed. Last week, I went into work 4 days in a row, for a few hours each day. It felt like I was having a semi-normal life. At work there was, as always, a lot of unknowns and changes. More opportunity to be open to what may unfold and enjoy the ride. I am lucky to work where I do. So blessed.

It is so nice to feel good during my "good" week. I have energy again. I have to hold on to this feeling and remind myself that energy comes back.

I have been taking what I call risks. I have a lot of fear about going on a long walk and being out in public and getting stuck because of lack of energy or pain. God forbid i would have to ask for help. It keeps me from being very physically active. This week I was so thankful to have energy. I decided to push myself a little, take a risk.

On Saturday, I parked 6 blocks from the farmers market and walked with my little 35 pounder in my arms (he didn't want to walk) through town. It was just the two of us and I felt powerful and almost normal. Just a bald mom and her toddler going to the market. It gave me confidence that I can go on longer walks, to the playground and my body is capable.

My body has been so messed with that I have very little trust in what I can or can't do. Of course it changes week to week with chemo. So for me, Saturday was a BIG deal. Today I walked to the playground and went down the slide with Canyon. It was fine. I didn't break. I made it home.

I just can't believe that only 5 years ago I was training for a marathon and running 5ks and half marathons, feeling so strong and fit. I mourn the loss of running. But hey, who knows what I will be capable of 5 years from now.

The real message here is to remember this energetic time when I am in the arm pit of my bad week (this upcoming week). Remind myself that I get better.

Here's to my second to last chemo. A friend that gives really f'n tough love. Cheers.

Sent from my iPhone