Now the website has monthly prompts to continue writing and personal reflection. The May prompt is: What is shifting in your life? Have any of the seeds you planted in reverb10 manifested? Sounds like a good time to address this prompt, so here it goes.
I looked back at my reverb10 responses. A lot of my reflection was about fighting cancer and wanting to move on with my life, not live scan to scan, and close the cancer chapter. Well of course, I still want that to manifest.
So far in 2011, I haven't had the luxury of living without cancer and it playing a big role in my life. I have done some emotional work since December. Cancer has been knocked out again according to my latest scan. My shifting is perception. I don't see myself fighting cancer anymore but I am more of a transformation artist. I see cancer as an energy draining force. It's like a pessimistic person that sees the bad side of everything. Like Debbie Downer from Saturday Night Live, everytime cancer shows up, I hear the post Debbie Downer comment sound effect, wah, wah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XW12eSDqFi8&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Cancer is a taker, a black hole and has a bad attitude. I see my white blood cells, chemo, food, body work, love, meditation as bright light energy that is turning cancer's frown upside down into bright healthy light energy. I am still evolving, I see that as a positive shift.
One of the reverb prompts in December was to choose a word for 2011. I chose "expression" as my word. I think that it has been appropriately assigned. I have been a steady blogger and open to sharing my process with anyone. I have not been willing to let this disease isolate or shame me, at least electronically. I speak my mind, feelings and insecurities.
I have been dressing more expressively which is a polite way to say that I have lost my sense of dressing normal, it's all about comfort and meaning. I really enjoy my one size fits all brown sweater/blanket like wrap, that has been deemed, my flying squirrel sweater (not a good sign) but I feel cozy and comforted wearing it. I am also enjoying my rainbow and rocket knee-high socks (must be some form of compensation for being bald. More attention to the body less to the head.) Yes, I wear them together. Whatever works, I try not to judge myself but go with it. It is all part of the healing puzzle(that is what I tell myself).
I guess the manifestation and shifting lesson for me is to be who I am and right now, cancer is a part of my story. It is not who I am, but we definatley have had a love hate relationship for the past 2 years. So for now, I am a transformation artist and the energy CEO of my body.(can I put that on my resume? It sounds impressive, one is creative the other so corporate.)I am manifesting health and transforming the wah, wah.
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