Christmas is a time for giving, sharing and visiting with relatives, in theory. However, a lot of people scurry around finding gifts and rushing to get ready in a last minute fashion( I am guilty of this too). I usually have 3 to 5 Christmas' per year. There is a lot of preparation and anticipation for one day. I love the anticipation but every year I find a common exhaustion and let down at the end of the holiday. This is not disappointment but an acknowledgment of another transition and end to the holiday season. At the end of December my husband and I vow to do it differently next year, go to hawaii or to a cabin in the snow, then enough time passes and I get excited about reliving my Christmas childhood memories and want to have the 3 to 5 Christmas'. Maybe documenting my reflections will remind me next year to try something new or create our own family tradition.
At one, Finley was fairly clueless about the onslaught of gifts that were coming his way. He was just excited to walk and shake a ribbon or push a button on a toy. He has not gained an understanding about having "stuff". He is precious and innocent. The holidays are filled with extra stimuli, that mess with his nap and eating schedule which makes mom nervous. Why nervous because of the potential of meltdown and I try to work hard to meet his needs as best I can, but, hey life is not a "schedule" right. The reality is if he has a meltdown I am sure I could deal with it. I think it is about having some control over my life with a toddler and trying to be a good parent.
As for myself, I again received a reminder from my body to slow down. You would think that because I have "cancer" I would be so in tune with my body and know my limits, nope. On Christmas eve I was getting into the car to drive to our 2nd Christmas of the season and I stepped off the curb and rolled my ankle and went down for the count. I was down like the lady in the "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial. I was stunned by the pain and that I actually fell down. I called for B but he was in the car waiting for me, the baby was strapped in his car seat ready to go. Finally, my husband realized that I disappeared and I must have fallen. He bolted out of the car to help me up. The pain passed and I was able to walk to the car to watch the top of my foot swell. I iced it all the way to the party. luckily it was just a strain, I think.
Oh joy, what are you telling me body, what now. These are the questions I ask myself to analyze why this happened:
1. Am I still weak from surgery and recovering because it has only been 10 days?
2. Am I getting old and not paying attention to my surroundings?
3. Am I unbalanced and need to focus on grounding my energy and slowing down?
4. Do I need to be compassionate, give myself a hug and say I am sorry to my body?
Well, yes, yes, yes and yes. I do have to add in one more question I ask myself a lot, Why me? There is no answer to that one. I am reminded again that my body has needs, and by golly, I better listen to it. Merry Christmas body, I appreciate you, need you and will work hard in 2010 to listen and honor you. I will try to be present in my surroundings and be compassionate with myself.
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