I got the call on December 3rd sitting in my cubicle. It was my oncologist, Dr. M, with my test results. I knew it was bad news.
1. The call was the day after she aspirated a "post-surgical" cyst. She had sent the mystery liquid to cytology.
2. My extremely busy oncologist called, not her nurse.
3. She left her personal cell phone number.
Oh shit, I could feel my blood flushing my face, my hands started to shake, everything was spinning, my body expressing its well rehearsed anxiety response. I needed to call her right back, I need to know. My hands are fumbling my cell phone, the damn keys are so small and in the moment seem to be getting smaller. I attempt to call my oncologist 3 times before I successfully place the call. It rang 3 times, she answered. I say "Dr. M this is Addie Case calling you back." She starts to explain my results, "There are no cancer cells, but there are a lot of necrotic cells which is an abnormal result. I think the cyst needs to be surgically removed and sent to cytology. " She then added, "there are some rare cases, around 30, where women have delivered with cervical cancer and some of the cells have migrated during delivery to the episiotomy/tear site, so this may still be primary cancer, if it is cancer." "This surgery needs to happen soon. I made some time in my schedule for the procedure on December 15th." My reaction (externally), "Okay, necrotic cells means tissue death right?" "I will take the surgery date." My reaction (internally), "No way this can't be happening, again. I am just starting to get back to normal. What is happening..." I get off the phone, the rest of my work day is shot. I find my coworkers and burst into tears sharing the news, I have to call my husband.
No comments:
Post a Comment