Dreamweaver -Reo Speedwagon

Fly me high through the starry skies
Maybe to an astral plane
Cross the highways of fantasy
Help me to forget today's pain

Ooh dream weaver
I believe you can get me through the night
Ooh dream weaver
I believe we can reach the morning light

2 weeks left and it keeps getting tougher. Hit a wall this week(weak), emotional brick wall. It is hard to get radiation every day knowing that it is frying my girl parts, but it's killing the cancer which is the goal. I am not a fan of pain but who is? I finally created a CD to listen to during my 15 minutes of day on the rad table. The first song is "most beautiful girl in the room", by Flight of the Conchords, it makes me laugh because I am not feeling so beautiful these days. (So I need to tell myself I am beautiful.) I have learned through this journey that my body can take a lot of insult and all my vanity has left the building. I just do what I can to cope. My body transforms from steroids, radiation and chemo. Moon face, pudgy belly, burned parts- what is next? I have 3 sitz baths a day, aloe vera gel, and now some silvadene cream. It is quite a process. While I soak I have been reading a book about surviving hard times and buddhism. I am working on the idea of being in the present moment but when I feel the burning pain, last thing I want to do is being the present moment, hell no. It is a weird journey.

Last weekend I took an art class at the cancer lifeline - the healing mandala. It was with 10 others dealing with cancer and we created and shared. It was such a blessing to have some time to create and express this insane time via art and know that I am NOT alone.

I heard Dreamweaver driving to radiation today and it fit my feelings perfectly. I am ready to reach the morning light. I want to be done, move through this and be present for my son and husband. I want my life back. My fortune cookie said: Success will be Yours!