Wild World -Cat Stevens

Here I am in chemo infusion #1. This time I know the drill. I am in the remodeled wing. I am actually resting on a tempur-pedic hospital bed in a large private room with warm tones. So nice. My med orders weren't here so the hydration was started an hour late, so I will be finishing just as the traffic is in full force. I am here solo today due to miscommunication. There is too much to coordinate so it happens. Bubba is with grandma. Hubby is at work. I am cozy watching a cheesy Drew Barrymore movie, eating lorna dunes, and sesame noodles. Relaxing with my new drug load of Ativan, Aloxy(anti-nausea) and a steroid. I am now living with meds. I still have another 45 minutes before I get my chemo drug, Cisplatin, infusion. It is hard on the kidneys so I get 2 hours of hydration before and after. How am I feeling? Like I am experiencing a big deja vu. My white blood cells are a little low but not overly concerning, so they say. I am scared, that is how I am feeling, not like a kick ass strong lady. I am mentally preparing for the unknowns of my body and mind that this treatment brings. one day at a time, it is what it is. The words of wisdom I keep telling myself. I checked out this book from the library called crazy sexy cancer tips. It is great. I skimmed it for some tips of wisdom for this process. One tip I read addresses when you become a "survivor". A question I have often wondered myself. I always assumed it was after treatment but per this particular cancer guide book, you are a survivor the moment you receive your cancer diagnosis, which is a relief. I don't know why but it feels like a relief to know I am already a survivor.
I saw Avitar last night, it was amazing. I kept thinking that Pandora (their world) was like Hawaii. I also thought I would like to be one of the blue people. Maybe I could exchange my body for a blue body like the main character. It is fun to fantasize.
I visited two child care possibilities for Bubba yesterday. It is hard to figure that out. I want to be with Bubba but I also need to rest. The nurses just came in to do there ID checks to give me my toxic drug, they will soon return in blue plastic gowns to hook me up. Kill the cancer, kill the cancer! Just saw an add with a "suckometer". This is high on the suckometer.