Friday, December 31, 2010

Like a Virgin - Madonna

I am not going to be out partying it up like I used to back in the day. In fact, I will probably never again party like I used to, at least with alcohol involved, sigh... I know it is unhealthy to drink but boy did I have fun times. The stories and partying experiences of my life have been fantastic. I remember drinking and dancing on the seats of a restaurant in Cairnes, Australia. Just pure energy of an entire room full of people dancing, it was awesome. I also have a fond memory of dancing with my peace corps pals in a random bar in Benin. Just dancing and singing together and then to return to an impromptu dip in a kitty pool we assembled in the library of the Peace Corps Office, ah drunken decisions. Maybe not the wisest choices but what fun memories I have. Singing Madonna Karaoke on National TV.

I physically cannot get my drink on anymore. The consequences of a night of drinking is just too much. Life is sure strange the roads you take and where you end up. So I get to continue to have crazy fun experiences without the help of liquid courage. Hmmm we will see how it goes.

Being that it is the end of the year and a time for reflection, I have been enjoying the questions of the reverb#10 project. A way to reflect on 2010 and set intention for 2011. It is a series of questions that are sent out everyday for the month of December. I am going to work on the questions here on my blog. One because it will be a good way to reflect and two I want to start writing more about who I am so my little guy will always now who his mama is.


December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

COMPASSION. I am choosing this one word because I had to work so hard this past year to be patient and compassionate with myself. My body went through hell and back and then hell and back again. Life was not as I expected it to be in 2010. I had a very tough road and tried to be the best mom and wife that I could with the hand that I was dealt. I am trying to heal and learn to live with my new normal.

EXPRESSION: In 2011 I want my word to be Expression! I want to sing out and let people know I am here and I am alive. I want to express my creativity and my passions. I want to play and laugh with my friends and family. I want to dance and express my joy of being healed. I want to express my feelings, thoughts and art with all.

December 2 - Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)
spending time on the Iphone searching and surfing. I can cut back but I doubt I can eliminate it.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

My first walk outside after my surgery. It was a sunny fall day and no one was around. I walked out to the sidewalk and felt the sun shine on my face. I saw the apples on the trees and took a deep breath. I looked at the dahlias, specifically my favorite one which I call "pink Lemonade". It is pointy with yellow with pink tips. I felt very alive. I had been lying down for over 4 weeks and very weak. Everything was very vivid. Complete double rainbows to be exact.

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

Living with a toddler. Just observing the wonder and amazement of his learning is WONDERful. He is fascinated by everything. I am fascinated by him. I am so lucky to have him in my life. Thank you.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

I let go of a lot of expectations of how I thought my life would be. I let go of a lot almost too much to write about without getting completely depressed. I let go of the need to understand. I let go of the need to be right. I let go of parts of my body. I let go of tying so hard. I let go of worrying about the small things. I let go of needing to be together all the time. I let go. I let go some of my youth- physically. I let go of my self, my identity. I let go of caring very much what people think. WHY? Well that silly cancer had something to do with it. Good bye cancer. I let go of cancer, all done. (I am signing it too).

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

Last thing I made was gingerbread cookies. I used cookie dough that I bought at Great Harvest Bread because I wanted christmas cookies. I would like to make a quilt again and I would like to do some collage and make a vision board or some soul collage cards.

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I have been blessed to join the community Sangha Mamas which has given my support and strength. I have also found that our larger community is amazing. People have been so supportive and helpful over the past year. I feel so blessed by community. I would like to add more expressive and fun activities to my life. I would like to join an improv group again.

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I am beautifully different because I have a positive attitude and am hopeful. I am willing to put myself out there and look stupid. I am silly. I like to sing-a-long with apps on my iphone. I have an amazing scar across my body that is super hot! I want to be present. I try to listen to others and ask questions. I believe in people. I have no shame about what I like.

December 9 – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

It wasn't a party but a concert. We went to see angelique kidjo and it was as always amazing. She rocked my socks off. Felt one with people. There was a lot of singing and dancing. She includes everyone at her show. I was in the middle of treatment so felt like shit. However I felt for that night that Benin existed and my life in peace corps did happen. I felt transported to a happier tim in my life when I was healthy and exploring the world. I was with my husband and we rushed the stage together and watched all people at the concert.

Frosty the Snowman

Happy New Year. A time for reflection and intentions for the new year. I have a lot to be thankful for. 2010 was a year of change once again. 3 years in a row now. I think it is time for some stability and peace in our family. Actually some mundane routine sounds very appealing. Here are my 2010 Christmas poems:


My gift of Christmas Spirit

You better watch out and you’re welcome to cry
My Christmas spirit is ready to fly
My spirit says, yes, its time to celebrate!
The lights are shining and I don’t know my fate
It is time to give and receive
It is time to surrender and believe
Take a deep breath and look around
It is time, Santa is comin’ to town!


Ode to Frosty the Snowman

Frosty knows how to live
He knows the sun will shine
and that he will melt away
so what dose he do?
He doesn’t spend time worrying about when that sunny day will come
He doesn’t stress over his career or making his mark in the world
He doesn’t lament about those he will leave behind
He dances, sings and plays with children
He lives life to the fullest with the time he has
He is present, in the moment
Frosty is my buddha

I am ready for 2011. I welcome peace and love. I am ready to laugh really hard, be creative and have some kick ass good times. Watch out