Hopelessly Devoted to You- Olivia Newton John

My treatment is winding down, almost at 8 weeks of city living and daily radiation. This Friday, April the 13th will be my last treatment day, a good omen I hope. It has to be because my lovely niece was born that day. Welcome back unknown. Lately, I have had a few rough spots dealing with pain and a pain plan. So this has been my focus.

After finishing chemotherapy I went off the steroids and found my right leg pain unbearable for a 3 day stretch last week. I wound up at treatment in severe pain last Wednesday. Thankfully my wonderful nurse and MD did all the right things. They assessed my pain quickly. I was in tears and their immediate mission was to reduce my pain. After having a fentanyl sucker my friend watched me go from white knuckled and stressed to breathing and calm. The plan was to go back on low dose steroids until I have an appointment with a new pain doctor. The anxiety created by my pain was intense and debilitating. I found out that before going back on the steroids I had to take my pain meds to the point of almost knocking myself out in order to cope. Thankfully my little guy was with his dad and I could rest and get through the drama without effecting him.

The continued challenge is my numb right foot, partial numb leg, and the occasionally nerve pain jolts. I also ended up with a blister on my foot without knowing it was there. A new venture of foot care. What kind of shoes do I need to where now? I honestly feel like trying to stay healthy takes all my energy and time. It is like a new adventure everyday. This includes my feelings that bubble up about feeling like a lady. As vain as it sounds my femininity has been challenged. My right leg has atrophied. My left leg is often swollen and I walk with a sexy limp I must say. Last Friday, my last day of Cyberknife, I peed my pants. My body is a vessel of insanity.

So again here I am two treatments left and how do I move into my new phase of healing, again. The plan is to get a repeat PET/CT scan in 6-8 weeks. My scan needs to be done once all inflammation has healed, once I have rested. So how can I help myself get there is what keep asking myself? I know sleeping is key. I know that lowering stress is important too. The piece that is challenging for me is the diet. Increasing the rainbow of my whole food diet and decreasing sugary foods. I have given up so much dealing with cancer that the idea of taking more away depresses me. I want to cut out some sugar. I want to be as healthy as I can be but I am holding strong to wanting control of my diet. I have 6-8 weeks before my next scan so I am going to figure out how to challenge myself to eating healthier, more colors and less sugar. I want to invite anyone else who wants to eat a little healthier for the next 6-8 weeks to join me. Let's help each other out, in what ever way we can. Even if it means supporting one another with a simple blessing of intention before eating, mindful eating. Maybe I can reduce inflammation by adding rainbow fruits and veggies and decreasing rainbow gummy candy.
I have been thinking a lot about this challenge. Am I setting myself up to fail? Will it be too much pressure? No, is the answer. What I want out of this challenge is simplicity. There is a time limit and all I want is really to be a little more mindful of my eating habits with the help of my friends. So I am going to throw this idea out to you and the universe like a bag of pixie dust from tinker bell herself and see what may come. So if you want to join me in turning up your food mood in a simple way, let me know. I am going to figure out the best online support for "the rainbow connection", thanks Muppets for the name. Wish me luck in finishing my treatment!

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