I feel pretty decent today. I want to be excited about it, but I never know what might be coming round the corner. The sun is shining in my room. It is really cold, but the sun is shining. I tried to nap, but couldn't fall asleep. My mind is feeling ready for action, but my body is not. My mind keeps trying to convince my body that I can do more. However, I know if I do too much I will pay. And so the waiting ensues.
Limbo is my word for the day. Living in Limbo. I choose two definitions for Limbo that apply to my situation. The first is "an intermediate place or state". I am waiting in limbo to feel better, to be cancer free, to have energy, to go back to work. It is hard to make "future" plans living in limbo. Of course, the other side of the limbo coin is to " live in the here and now" and live it up because we never know when our time will end. That is easier said than done. I feel alive and appreciate what I have but not knowing how my energy level is from day to day is limiting. The art of balance.
The second definition of Limbo is undoubtedly, "A West Indian dance in which the dancers keep bending over backward and passing under a pole that is lowered slightly each time". oh yeah baby! I am living limbo and that pole I am dancing under is an IV pole draped with chemo. Each time I pass under that pole I am relieved I made it to the other side. You bet i am bending over backwards to make it. I will dance all day and night to be done with cancer.
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