Don't Be Shy - Cat Stevens

Having headaches, drug withdrawls I guess. I am tired and not 100%. I keep thinking that I am healed but this is a slow process and my body is telling me to slow down. I want to do it all. It is sad but I often feel a sense of urgency that I need to do it all right now. Must be a cancer/mortality thing. I have this awful sense that time is going to run out, that is depressing. Okay who needs to do some meditation/stress reduction activities. Yes, that would be me. I am ready to be done with recovery. I want to be normal but there is "no" normal. It is what it is right now. This is it and this is life. The ups and downs the boredom, sadness, excitement and blessings. I feel lucky yet sad. I am in limbo. I am not sick and bed ridden. I look normal and well but my body still hurts and I am still emotionally adjusting to my new body. Intellectually I know how to process but then there is still the feeling stuff. As we discussed in my book group. I am ATTACHED. I am attached to how I want my day to go, how I want my life to go. It is hard to let go and give it up, or at least be flexible to different outcomes.