Looking for a smooth road

The pain is just cruel sometimes. Here is my Saturday evening, out on the town. I take my moment to get out of the house for the first time of the day, due to childcare.  I make a bee line to the grocery store to get some groceries and supplies. The one outing I can do successfully as a handicap lady. I drive into my handicap parking spot and hobble into the store with my lovely cane in hand. I walk up to the scooters and pick out a lovely green one for the evening. I unplug it, get on and ride the store looking for what I really need "Poise" pads. For those of you who don't know what they are, they are pads for incontinence. Okay can my Saturday night get any sexier? No it cannot. I am driving through the store and realize there is now liquor for sale in the grocery store. I observe groups of people looking for their choice of liquor for the night. People my age dressed up going to parties. Then here I am with my Poise and cane in my scooter basket ready for my Saturday night. I check out and they bag everything except my Poise. Yes world I have an incontinence problem. I drive the scooter to my car and load my groceries and my POISE into my car. This 41 year old is ready for a hot Saturday night of fun!! I drive home to continue my parenting duties of cleaning and putting down my 3 year old to sleep. Can someone make a movie about my life already, a tragic comedy. I find this quite funny, the sarcastic side of me. 

The sensitive side of me finds this night a sad night. I dreamt for years about being a mom and what my life would be like after having a child. So having been diagnosed with cancer soon after becoming a new mom has skewed view of parenting. I think my woes go beyond that of a parent with a toddler. I have the right to complain. 

The next day I had an opportunity to get some body work to help my lymphedema. I learned some body compression through body wrapping. As well as some lymphatic massage. I was wrapped up in light fleece and a thin ace like bandage. The compression wrap made my leg look like the Michelin man. It was snug but doable. I hobbled around and slept in this wrap. Around11:30 pm I woke up in a lot of pain and needed to take off the compression wrap. My pain felt so intense that nothing would relieve it. The anxiety I feel with my pain is so real.  

It is almost a week later and all has gone to pot, as they say. The pain continues to dominate. I ended up with a heel size blister on my heel. On the foot that has no feeling. However the pain is preventing me from walking so I am living on crutches now. I am doing daily wound healing, ugh. I ended up in Seattle at mom's house last Wednesday. I was done with the pain. Friday I spent the afternoon at the ER. I was diagnosed with a right ureter obstruction. It is time for my right kidney stent replacement. So I spent time making phone calls and have a stent replacement scheduled, Thursday the 14th the day after my PET scan.

I have been sleeping a lot and getting help with childcare. I am working on a new help plan. My inability to walk and pain issues are showing me, again,  that I need help. Coming to terms with my disability is challenging. Please keep the prayers coming!

Sent from my iPad 

Sent from my iPad