It's 2012! A new year. A time for new beginnings. Also a time for reflection and new year resolutions if you dare. I looked back at the word I chose to begin 2011 with and it was "expression". I think that that word rang true for my year. I continued to spill my guts to anyone who was interested in reading my blog. As we all know the trend of my last 3 years have included my buddy ole pal, cancer. We have grown quite close over the past 3 years. each year gets more challenging in our life dance. Last year was the most difficult dance yet, a tango samba with a Krumping finale, translation: treatment was no cake walk and more surgeries to add to my list and some chronic pain left overs. I can say I am cancer free and I can at least say that for 9 more days. I'll take everyday I can get!

Today has been fantastic. I have been slowly dismantling the Christmas tree, My son, playing with his collection of hot wheels and listening to classic 80's pandora. Hubby is working on some project. Everyone is in a good mood and occasionally I stop to "make a car or bird talk", Canyon's favorite activity. I also take time to do a little living room karaoke if a good song comes on. Eye of the tiger made it into my repertoire, using a rook of paper towels as my guitar or microphone. Canyon was a little bothered by mama being so weird I think.

January 5 is my next PET/CT scan with the hopes that there is no visible cancer lighting up in my body. I will get the tests January 9th and a plan of either monitor or attack. Of course not knowing a plan as we have been so used to is still sucky. We will have some form of a timeline and hope to squeeze in a vacation this winter. I will be in Seattle for a week also having more follow-ups with the thoracic surgeon, and neurology oncologist. The neurologist has given me a little more faith in the medical system. He actually replied to an email within 8 hours the day after Christmas. That was a Christmas present. We are trying to get my pain managed. He upped my fentanyl patch from 25mcg to 50. After 4 days I realized it was too much, I kept falling asleep all day, not fun. So I stopped that and am still figuring it out. I did have some fun Christmas shopping experiences with a wheel chair, but I still haven't used the Amigo carts.

Again I was blown away by the generosity and motivation of my coworkers. They put together a bake/craft sale that was amazing and generously gave me all the proceeds and then some generous anonymous co-worker matched funds! Talk about the spirit of giving. I so appreciate it! I have been getting bodywork 2x a week and have been able to cut down on my oral pain medication and have noticed a difference, which is so rewarding. Thank you all so much, over and over I am reminded of how blessed I am!

I have seen a trend so far in my cancer. It seems to go away with extreme surgery and is absent during treatments but at the 3 month mark it seems to come back, or at least it has done this 3 times. Luckily it has been small solid tumors and hasn't effected any organs. So what to do, what to do? Try to enjoy every moment.

I actually made it out to the Prince concert with my girlfriends from high school. We saw Prince in 1984 at the same venue and we were back in 2011. I made it through the concert but had to hobble out leaning on my friends on the way out.people thought I hurt myself at the concert. It was kinda funny. You really have no clue what people are going through on face value.

I want to pick a word for 2012. It feels a little easier than resolutions. Anyhow I have learned expecting certain outcomes doesn't always work. Yesterday I made it to the park with my hubby and son. I got to watch them play. We also happened to be at the finish line of a marathon. Sometimes i feel sad when I see races because I miss being able to run. Now I would be happy just being able to walk pain free. Anyhow, I thought about looking at what I have instead of what I don't. It comes back to Attitude. So that is my 2012 word "attitude". It is something I can control.

So here I come 2012. I plan to live a long long time dear cancer. I have so many people on my side that just the energy alone that we create has more power to heal than any drug you encounter. Blessings to all this 2012.