Love is a Battlefield- Pat Benetar

Well the results are in. I spoke with my oncologist yesterday and the scan showed activity/cancer on my chest wall. This cancer is so weird. In January, I had a small tumor removed from my lung. This tumor is located right under the incision scar in my subcutaneous tissue. I can see it and feel it. I have a lump on my chest. It looks like it is trying to get out. I kept thinking that the doctor left a lap sponge or an instrument in there. A month ago I had a dream that I needed a second colostomy in that exact spot. My dreams told me. There was also some activity by my ureter but the doctor feels that is probably due to the hydronephrosis and not cancer. Monday I will have an exam and a plan will be discussed. A referral to a thoracic surgeon to remove the tumor and possibly some local radiation.

I feel relieved that it isn't something worse. I feel validated that my symptoms were telling me something was not right and that finally a doctor listened. (My scan was two weeks early). This cancer seems to have a reoccurring pattern. After 3-4 months post treatment something shows up. Can you believe it 4 times in less than 3 years. I can. Fighting this disease is becoming a way of life. It is crazy. Honestly, I have felt so bad over the past month I don't feel shocked or surprised. I am sad of course and so tired of stress and pain.

What saddens me the most is the stress and pain this brings to my family. I don't want them to worry or suffer. Of course I don't want to die either. I think with this diagnosis there is still hope. I can still beat this disease or if I have to coexist with it for a long long time I Will.

As always I am amazed by the support and love we have received. I am sure I will be calling on you all again for support. Stay tuned for the plan.