http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/08/opinion/08Brown.html
More inspirational nurse writing by Theresa Brown. I am ready for the change. Thanks for your insight Theresa.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Here Comes Your Man- the Pixies
6 years ago I was getting into my wedding dress. I was preparing for my magical wedding day. It was one of the best days of my life. The sun was out and I looked beautiful. My friends and family at our side. What a celebration. My dear hubby I met 19 years ago today at a party in Bellingham.
Today I am pale, bald and bloated. Making laps around the living room to activate my bowels. So sexy, I know. I have no eyebrows and very few eyelashes. I am covered in scars. my body is so different. But I am still me.
My hubby sees through it all. He sees through my body's changes. He sees my soul and continues to tell me I am beautiful. I know he loves me for better or for worse. He sees my scars and his heart hurts for what I have endured but I know he loves me and sees beauty.
He is the devoted hubby I had hoped for when I married him. He makes me laugh. We know how to push each others buttons, and do. We have been to hell and back, many times now. We are solid. He is an amazing papa. Here's to you hubby and many happy times ahead.
I love you B. I am a lucky duck!
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Pace
Still coughing and tired. The sunny day is beautiful yet creates a restless feeling. "I want", says the ego. I want to be out in the world, in the sun. I am in bed lying next to my snoring toddler. He is exhausted. He has been entertained and on the go for over a week during my treatment and recovery. Today he reached meltdown. He just wanted to be held and rocked for over an hour. I think he wants mama time and to rest. I wish I had more energy an presence for him. He has a fever too, crap. We do not need any more bugs in this household. Please don't let me get it, whatever it is. Please let it pass by him too.
We try so hard to minimize the impact on our little guy that I think we forget to slow down let him process and rest too. It is much easier to fill time. It is hard to hang out in "transitions", you have to feel feelings you might not want to face. It is just uncomfortable sometimes to deal, such is life. I was reading Pema Chodron again...
Pema's wise insight: She encourages us to stay in that place of restlessness. That place of "boredom" where you feel shifty and want to "do" something, like reach for your iPhone, tv or some other entertainment, but you wait. What if you wait and be with the "shiftys"? You have to wake up to yourself a little bit, struggle a little bit and be present.
Well, cheers to feeling shifty(as I type away on my entertainment device.) and trying to stay present. Right now the whole idea sounds about as enjoyable as getting some major dental work.
Bonne sante, por favor!
We try so hard to minimize the impact on our little guy that I think we forget to slow down let him process and rest too. It is much easier to fill time. It is hard to hang out in "transitions", you have to feel feelings you might not want to face. It is just uncomfortable sometimes to deal, such is life. I was reading Pema Chodron again...
Pema's wise insight: She encourages us to stay in that place of restlessness. That place of "boredom" where you feel shifty and want to "do" something, like reach for your iPhone, tv or some other entertainment, but you wait. What if you wait and be with the "shiftys"? You have to wake up to yourself a little bit, struggle a little bit and be present.
Well, cheers to feeling shifty(as I type away on my entertainment device.) and trying to stay present. Right now the whole idea sounds about as enjoyable as getting some major dental work.
Bonne sante, por favor!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Today
Listening to the wind chimes enjoying the sun peaking through the window. My energy is taking a dip as the steroids wear off from their three day party in my blood stream. I know the ritual now. I know what to expect and how this week will unfold. Tomorrow will be lots of resting and my digestion will gurgle and churn trying to get moving. I have to ride the wave. I must surrender to the deep rest my body desires to heal.
Today, I was looking in a catalog that came in the mail and I found myself admiring all the sleep wear. Hmmmm, this is where I am. I live in sleep wear most of the time. C'est la vie!
Feeling grateful for the help and love that surrounds me and my family.
Sent from my iPhone
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)