Hot Dog - They Might Be Giants

Up at 3 am with ugly stomach I like to call it. Things are moving slow and causing pain. Aching legs! I feel a bit tortured. Well they say this is the "black week" next week will be the " grey week" and then the "white week". Each week lightening up in symptoms. The challenge of the unknown symptom progression. This makes it difficult to know what kind of help I may need. I am supposed to go get a blood draw today but I don't see that happening. My power port, super bionic addition is bruised and sore. So I will request and arm vein be victimized this week. Let the port heal. At this moment, I can see my time with Canyon will be filled with Dora and Diego videos, although not my first choice of activity. We can be together and cuddle. What he really loves right now is this catchy tune called "Hot Dog", by they might be giants. It is so danceable and he likes to take off his shirt pretend like he is swimming on the bed and then jump, dance and sing, Hot Dog. I love all of his energy. He does fill me up with his spirit. He is my inspiration. I am going to keep fighting this stupid disease. I will learn to get the help I need. I will think of all those who have done this before and those who will someday have to endure this hell.

Reel Wisdom: Lessons from 40 Films in 7 Minutes

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8CaC4RMwsM&feature=youtube_gdata_player

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We're not gonna take it- Twisted Sister

Bye bye cancer....

You can't always get what you want - Rolling Stones

Well the truck is in overdrive beating me down. Managed some breakfast this morning, waffle, blueberries and warm lemon water. I feel like I have the flu, aches, pains and a headache. Canyon is full of energy ready for the day. Thankfully there are three loving adults here to meet his needs, so I can rest. I think it is funny since I have been dealing with cancer I feel like I should enter contests. Maybe part of my psyche believes I deserve a break from all this and so maybe I could win. Another source of hope. A way to fantasize out of pain and suffering. I imagine winning would result my life would be Like a commercial on TV, I would look very happy, probably laughing at something cute my child said. The mood would be playful and my family would be holding hands in a warm tropical climate on a beach. Everyone would look and feel well rested and sun-kissed with health. The only stress of the day is which beach to enjoy and where to eat dinner. I guess the advertisements on tv and in magazines create these images to make us want more then what we have.

Okay I am in back in my reality. It will and always does change. I have had moments in my life of tropical paradise and pure joy. I have been blessed to travel the world and live in another culture. Step outside my own culture norms and learn other ways of living life. I am lucky to have such a wonderful family and community of support.

This cancer culture I have been living in these past two years continuously tests me. Ya think? (sarcasm self replies) I am sure we all say it, cancer is not supposed to happen to me or my family.

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Cake Walk Song

I feel like I am in a cake walk contest. The problem is that I am nauseous and don'twant any cake but the music is playing and I have no choice and must play the game. I finished my first chemo cocktail infusions and feel like I have been mowed down. Ouch, poison is not a welcomed visitor in my body. It took all my effort to read books and play briefly with my little guy. This too shall pass. The question is which cake will I end up with? Hopefully a peaceful healthy one. I guess I am going to have to get some help at home. Things can only get better right HoJo?

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