You all have been supporting me through this cancer journey/ordeal/insanity that started back in March 2009. Thank you. Brandon and I are thankful to have such wonderful friends in our life.
I am sorry to say that we have a new hurdle in our path. I had multiple biopsies taken last week and some came back positive for cancer. They are the same cancer cells from my primary cancer. Those bastards will not die. Even my oncologist was shocked with the results. The cells are still pretty microscopic at this point and are literally a pain in my ASS. This situation is total bullshit and all I want to say is FUCK cancer. There, said it.
My oncologist said it can be cured. The "cure" is a major surgery to cut out the cancer which is now in my rectum. I will have to live with a colostomy for the rest of my life. This treatment is only done if they can pretty much guarantee a cure.
My next step is to get another PET/CT scan to verify the cancer is not anywhere else in my body. This seems unlikely because I had a clear scan just 2 months ago. I am also going to see an ass specialist, to see if he can save my ass. And get another opinion about treatment options.
As you can imagine this pretty much sucks and B and I are riding a roller coaster of emotions daily. My surgery is scheduled for September 7th at U of W. I will be in the hospital at least 7 days then recovering for 6+ weeks up in Bellingham.
We definitely need some help through this one. It is pretty scary right now. I am thinking of ways that friends and family can help. I am working on a list to make this life change easier on us. Most of all I request that you send healing thoughts, prayers and positive energy our way. I am at the point in this insanity to just ask for what I need and not feel the least bit guilty. So here it is.
Here is my list so far:
suggestions for funny stories, videos, books
suggestions for inspiring books or videos
suggestions for healing books, videos ect..
meal train once we return to bellingham- someone who can coordinate this via email
prayers and positive energy
recommendation of practioners that can help with the healing process (i.e. massage, acupuncture, energy healing)
house cleaning
picking-up Canyon after child care (while I am on weight restriction)
helping me with Canyon before Brandon gets home from work
Help with Canyon some Saturdays (Brandon works those days)
Man-dates for Brandon- get him out to have fun and enjoy some friend time.
Play dates for Canyon
gardening
grocery shopping
visiting me during recovery
letting me laugh or cry on your shoulder
Someone go see Hall N Oates for me at the Puyallup fair (I bought tickets but won't be able to go)
Maybe to go out dancing or karoke before surgery
I am also considering an impromptu good bye party for my ass before the surgery. I know this sounds random but why not. I need to have fun too. FYI I am also open to hearing all butt jokes.
And remember I will be the most beautiful girl you will ever know with a colostomy and fuck cancer.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Pain in the ASS
What the FUCK! WTF! WTF! Cancer can bite my fucking ass, oh wait it did. bullshit bullshit bullshit. stupid ass cancer. stupid ASS cancer.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
All You Need is Love - The Beatles
Well I am not keeping up on my blog. Life has been a little busy. Not a lot of computer time. No guilt.
My scan was a success and I am officially CANCER FREE as of May 28th. The bummer was I had to call the doctor's office to get the results because they didn't call me for 3 days. It was a rough few days. We have also had the family chest cold month (ear infections for Canyon). So we all are on antibiotics together. Ugh! I am keeping up with about half of my list of health rituals. Getting sick kind of throws off the exercise plan. When the baby is sick, it throws off cooking, cleaning and resting. Finally, I think we have a handle on the situation. I swear you can do everything in your power to be healthy and still get sick.
My scan day was a long bizarre day. Because I was radioactive we spent the day away from Canyon. We went to a movie and saw a wonderful musician perform. I was sick with my cold and couldn't enjoy the outing as much as I wanted. During the scan I felt very confident that I was healthy. I chanted and listened to Bob Marley. All the cells in my body were grooving to reggae and not worrying about a thing.
I had a "wow" moment the day I found out about my clean scan. Hubby and I went out to celebrate and I stumbled upon a literature reading at the local book store. A man around my age was reading from his book which is a memoir about his cancer journey (crazy coincidence). I bought his book and could not put it down. It was incredible, raw and full of life's ups and downs. It painted a true picture of cancer and the roller coaster ride that it is. He was diagnosed right before his baby was born (I am not the only one who had to deal with cancer and a new baby). What a blessing to walk into that reading.
I feel like I have fallen off the healthy horse. It is time to hop back on and regain my mojo. A sick family is tired and low functioning family. I think we are getting near steady ground and back to our healthy path. I just need a healthy food support group. Maybe I should start one. hmmm, what would that look like?
My scan was a success and I am officially CANCER FREE as of May 28th. The bummer was I had to call the doctor's office to get the results because they didn't call me for 3 days. It was a rough few days. We have also had the family chest cold month (ear infections for Canyon). So we all are on antibiotics together. Ugh! I am keeping up with about half of my list of health rituals. Getting sick kind of throws off the exercise plan. When the baby is sick, it throws off cooking, cleaning and resting. Finally, I think we have a handle on the situation. I swear you can do everything in your power to be healthy and still get sick.
My scan day was a long bizarre day. Because I was radioactive we spent the day away from Canyon. We went to a movie and saw a wonderful musician perform. I was sick with my cold and couldn't enjoy the outing as much as I wanted. During the scan I felt very confident that I was healthy. I chanted and listened to Bob Marley. All the cells in my body were grooving to reggae and not worrying about a thing.
I had a "wow" moment the day I found out about my clean scan. Hubby and I went out to celebrate and I stumbled upon a literature reading at the local book store. A man around my age was reading from his book which is a memoir about his cancer journey (crazy coincidence). I bought his book and could not put it down. It was incredible, raw and full of life's ups and downs. It painted a true picture of cancer and the roller coaster ride that it is. He was diagnosed right before his baby was born (I am not the only one who had to deal with cancer and a new baby). What a blessing to walk into that reading.
I feel like I have fallen off the healthy horse. It is time to hop back on and regain my mojo. A sick family is tired and low functioning family. I think we are getting near steady ground and back to our healthy path. I just need a healthy food support group. Maybe I should start one. hmmm, what would that look like?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - Sting
I can't believe it has been a month since my last post. Well, yes I can. Sans treatment life is busy and active. I am back to work (part-time). I am playing with Canyon, cleaning, cooking, doing the whole household thing. Although things are a bit different, I continue to find ways to become healthy and stay healthy without become a fanatic or going crazy. My nerves are starting to say hello and become louder each day. Why you ask? Well my first follow-up PET scan is in 2 weeks, ugh. It is great to have survived chemo and radiation and enter into the land of recovery/survivorship. However, there is still this underlying fear that flares up when these scans are on the horizon. So the big question is how do I keep my cool. How do I keep my self in check, so I don't freak out? I am not promoting suppressing my feelings but having some boundaries around them so they don't rule the next two weeks of my life. At my last follow-up appointment, which was good by the way, I was so nervous my heart rate was up to 98 just walking into the exam room. Now, I am starting the lovely cycle where I look for signs via songs on the radio that everything will work out and be alright. (that sentence is a good reminder: listen to more Bob Marley). I guess that is partly why I have songs associated with each blog entry.
Yes, I am a freak, but I have learned a lot on my cancer journey. Here are three things I especially like:
1. I am not afraid to say what is on my mind.
2. What have I got to lose
3. Not really concerned about what people think, I am what I am.
Okay, so back to business. At my last follow-up my oncologist said the two most important things I can do to help with my healing are: get your sleep and keep stress at a low level in your life. And then my husband says: good thing you are married to me (stress) and have a 16 month old (lack of sleep). Life is funny. Thanks Murphy and your silly laws.
I am trying to improve my health and I could go crazy trying to do this I realize (or become obsessed). For now I am trying a lot of different healing modalities to see what I like. In my pursuit for health and healing I have quite a list of health enhancing practices. It may seem a little insane but I am at a point where I am exercising my wisdom above: #1,2 & 3. Here is my list of healthy practices:
FOOD:
No sweets or candy (4 days in the past 6 weeks I have needed a little sweetness)
lots of veges/ juicing everyday
eating more whole foods
no red meat
white meat at the most every 1-2x per week
working on Ayruvedic diet (decreasing Pitta)
no dairy
no night shades
decreasing wheat
lots of tea- nettle/holy basil/triphala/licorice/ginger/tumeric
Working on an anti-inflammation diet
SUPPLEMENTS:
flax oil
vitamin E
Vitamin D3
Multi Vitamin
calcium
probiotic
Triphala
curcumin
green tea (occasionally)
EXERCISE/BODY-MIND
daily yoga
daily chanting
daily meditating
baths 2x per week
daily dry brushing
and daily sesame oil body massage
pranayama (breathing) techniques to balance kapha and vata
walking
early to bed
dancing around the house
singing loudly when possible
Looking at the list it looks insane, but so far it isn't driving my crazy or creating too much more stress. My goal is to try this stuff out until my scan and then rethink it. Hopefully my scan will be clean and all will be well. They key is to feel good and healthy in my body. To enjoy life and FEEL ALIVE.
Yes, I am a freak, but I have learned a lot on my cancer journey. Here are three things I especially like:
1. I am not afraid to say what is on my mind.
2. What have I got to lose
3. Not really concerned about what people think, I am what I am.
Okay, so back to business. At my last follow-up my oncologist said the two most important things I can do to help with my healing are: get your sleep and keep stress at a low level in your life. And then my husband says: good thing you are married to me (stress) and have a 16 month old (lack of sleep). Life is funny. Thanks Murphy and your silly laws.
I am trying to improve my health and I could go crazy trying to do this I realize (or become obsessed). For now I am trying a lot of different healing modalities to see what I like. In my pursuit for health and healing I have quite a list of health enhancing practices. It may seem a little insane but I am at a point where I am exercising my wisdom above: #1,2 & 3. Here is my list of healthy practices:
FOOD:
No sweets or candy (4 days in the past 6 weeks I have needed a little sweetness)
lots of veges/ juicing everyday
eating more whole foods
no red meat
white meat at the most every 1-2x per week
working on Ayruvedic diet (decreasing Pitta)
no dairy
no night shades
decreasing wheat
lots of tea- nettle/holy basil/triphala/licorice/ginger/tumeric
Working on an anti-inflammation diet
SUPPLEMENTS:
flax oil
vitamin E
Vitamin D3
Multi Vitamin
calcium
probiotic
Triphala
curcumin
green tea (occasionally)
EXERCISE/BODY-MIND
daily yoga
daily chanting
daily meditating
baths 2x per week
daily dry brushing
and daily sesame oil body massage
pranayama (breathing) techniques to balance kapha and vata
walking
early to bed
dancing around the house
singing loudly when possible
Looking at the list it looks insane, but so far it isn't driving my crazy or creating too much more stress. My goal is to try this stuff out until my scan and then rethink it. Hopefully my scan will be clean and all will be well. They key is to feel good and healthy in my body. To enjoy life and FEEL ALIVE.
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