Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Love is a Battlefield- Pat Benetar

Well the results are in. I spoke with my oncologist yesterday and the scan showed activity/cancer on my chest wall. This cancer is so weird. In January, I had a small tumor removed from my lung. This tumor is located right under the incision scar in my subcutaneous tissue. I can see it and feel it. I have a lump on my chest. It looks like it is trying to get out. I kept thinking that the doctor left a lap sponge or an instrument in there. A month ago I had a dream that I needed a second colostomy in that exact spot. My dreams told me. There was also some activity by my ureter but the doctor feels that is probably due to the hydronephrosis and not cancer. Monday I will have an exam and a plan will be discussed. A referral to a thoracic surgeon to remove the tumor and possibly some local radiation.

I feel relieved that it isn't something worse. I feel validated that my symptoms were telling me something was not right and that finally a doctor listened. (My scan was two weeks early). This cancer seems to have a reoccurring pattern. After 3-4 months post treatment something shows up. Can you believe it 4 times in less than 3 years. I can. Fighting this disease is becoming a way of life. It is crazy. Honestly, I have felt so bad over the past month I don't feel shocked or surprised. I am sad of course and so tired of stress and pain.

What saddens me the most is the stress and pain this brings to my family. I don't want them to worry or suffer. Of course I don't want to die either. I think with this diagnosis there is still hope. I can still beat this disease or if I have to coexist with it for a long long time I Will.

As always I am amazed by the support and love we have received. I am sure I will be calling on you all again for support. Stay tuned for the plan.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Two Tickets to Paradise- Eddie Money

Another day for you and me in paradise, sings Phil Collins. Is it? Or Is it all in ones perception how you view your day, month- Life? Are you living in paradise? I guess we all get to define what paradise is. Right now my paradise involves having lots of energy and being pain free. So I am not living in paradise. My paradise also includes a loving family- I guess I am in paradise.

Really I feel like I am living in a "gangstas paradise", walking at night in a cold city, not the kind of paradise where you are dancing in a field of wild flowers with the warm sun on your face. Is that my choice? Sometimes

How about "almost paradise" as sung by Loverboy in classic 80's hit movie Footloose .Almost paradise, how could we ask for more... I am asking for a lot more. Right now I feel more like my life is a rolling pair-o-dice not paradise. (yes, that was cheesy but it made me laugh and that was a little piece of paradise for me today.)


Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Freedom- George Michael

Time seems to be moving slow and fast at the same time. A new discovery or diagnosis has been made to add to my complicated patient profile. My blood pressure has been erratic but mostly stable ranging from 115/80 to 140/95. My pulse has been around 80-100.

Since my last post I saw 3 docs who all gave me different recommendations. Finally I was taken off all 3 bp meds and received 3 days of hydration at the short stay unit in the hospital (Sept 23rd). Still nauseous and throwing up, I made it through. My kidney labs were not so good and prompted a trip to get an ultrasound. The ultrasound indicated severe hydronephrosis of the right kidney. It's not working so well, so off to the urologist I go this Friday. My kidneys have been overworked. So now it mkes sense why my BP has been crazy. My BP is up a little as I described in the first paragraph. My doc said to start one of the BP meds again. I tried it, was nauseous and could not get out of bed, so I stopped taking it. What a mess.

Now I am waiting to learn about what kind of exiting procedure I may look forward to (i.e. A stent placed in my kidney through my ureter). I swear I must have been evil in a past life. To add to the story I continue to have chronic leg pain that is often debilitating.

I want to swear a lot because of the pain but am trying to be creative in my expression of my pain to add some ironic humor to my life and PG rating for the family. So yes if you listen closely that is me yelling in pain, Calico Cat! Mother Theresa! Bartles and James!

Thankfully everything is temporary and will change. Right now I have energy between 10-1 and the rest of the day I need to rest and deal with the pain. Wish me luck that this road will so veer off in a new direction that is smooth and easy.