Thursday, November 11, 2010

Oh the Places You'll go- Dr. Seuss

I feel like the last two years of my life I have been living in a Dr. Seuss book: very colorful, sometimes unbelievable, fun, nonsensical, sad, lovely and insane. As you all know my family has been on the cancer express train. Yes, we all face suffering in our lives. We just happened to get a huge dose of it in a short time. So that means that I’ve paid my dues, right? Oh the bargaining I’ve done. I don’t want to rehash the cancer stories but I want to share with you my gratitude and thanks. I have changed and you have helped my family with our healing journey.

I couldn’t have gotten through three bouts of cancer and won without Brandon, Canyon, my family, friends, co-workers, St Francis family and the greater Bellingham community. Cancer quickly reordered my priorities. Facing the big ugly fear of death really sucks. Again I am not writing to tell you about the suffering. I have gained some personal wisdom in effort to make sense of this disease. I don't want to forget it so here it is.

A top priority in my life now is “my people”. Who are “my people”? All of us, from my spouse and child to the lady in the grocery store scanning my items. You all are my people and the generosity we have been gifted reinforces my love for “my people.” Thank you.

Trying to be present. I do not have “control” over my life and I can’t change the past or know the future. I can be here and now. Having 2 year-old Canyon reminds me of the importance of being in the moment. This is a big challenge.

Feel it all. As much as I can I try to let the feelings flow. I may not recognize why I am feeling what I am but I try to have compassion for myself and just let it be what it is.

It is important to listen to my body. Try to be healthy, pay attention to my diet, exercise, and rest, decrease stress. But also enjoy a hot fudge Sunday every once in a while. Have compassion and love for the changes in my body. Not create more stress by obsessing about my health.

Finally, Life is too short to not wear sequins everyday! Have bling in your life. I have more confidence in myself and don’t care what people think. When in doubt it can’t hurt to ask. I try to let go and laugh at the absurdity of life. The opposite side of this fearless card is that I do feel big fears too, but don’t we all.

Thank you again for supporting my family. We have never felt more blessed. Your generosity has been unbelievable. I have been able to heal, to enjoy time with my family and not worry about the things I can/could not do.